Valentine's Day Reminder

I am actually not a big fan of Valentine's day. Overpriced flowers, 5-lb. chocolate weight gain, expensive dinner. I'd much rather spend the money (and calories) other ways. But I was reminded at a MOPS meeting yesterday why it is important for us to stop and think about how we can love our husbands better. And what better reminder than Valentine's Day?

This list is from Loving Life at Home by Jennifer Flanders. She has a great blog too (lovinglifeathome.wordpress.com). It's not one of those blogs that makes you feel bad about yourself,  but one filled with honestly and some good Biblical advice. She recently wrote a good one on feminism.

Anyway, in this list she reminds us that the best way to love your husband is to show him respect. And here are her 25 suggestions on how to do that.

I know I have a few to work on this Valentine's Day!

Choose Joy
It’s true: A happy wife makes a happy life. Please don’t use moodiness as an attempt to manipulate your man, but in all things rejoice, because that’s the right thing to do. (1 Thessalonians 5:16;Philippians 4:4)


Honor His Wishes
Give weight to what your husband thinks is important. Make those things a priority that matter most to him, whether it’s having dinner ready when he gets home from work or keeping the house tidy or limiting computer time. Don’t make him ask twice. (Philippians 2:4)


Give Him Your Undivided Attention
Yes, I know that women are masters of multi-tasking, but when your husband is speaking to you, make a point to lay other tasks aside, look into his eyes, and listen to what he is saying with the goal of understanding and remembering his words.


Don’t Interrupt
Have you ever been around a person who won’t let you finish a sentence? That gets old fast. Even if you think you already know what your husband is going to say, allowing him to say it without cutting him off mid-sentence shows both respect and common courtesy.


Emphasize His Good Points
Sure, he has his faults (as do you), but dwelling on them will only make you (both) miserable. Choose instead to focus on those qualities in your husband that you most admire. (Philippians 4:8)


Pray for Him
Ruth Graham advises wives to “tell your mate the positive, and tell God the negative.” Take your concerns to God. Faithfully lift up your husband in prayer every day, and you will likely notice a transformation not only in him, but in yourself, as well. (Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Thessalonians 5:17)


Don’t Nag
Your husband is a grown man, so don’t treat him like a two-year-old. Leave room for God to work. You are not the Holy Spirit, so do not try to do His job.


Be Thankful
Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Don’t take your husband for granted. Be appreciative for everything he does for you, whether big or small. Always say thank you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18; Ephesians 5:20)


Smile at Him
Smiles spread happiness. Smiles have even been shown to create happiness. Smiles are contagious. And a smile makes any woman more beautiful.


Respond Physically
Did you know that the way you respond (or don’t respond) to your husband’s romantic overtures has a profound effect on his self-confidence? Don’t slap him away when he tries to hug you or make excuses when he’s in the mood. Your enthusiastic cooperation and reciprocation will not only assure him of your love, but will make him feel well-respected, too. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)


Eyes Only for Him
Don’t compare your husband unfavorably to other men, real or imaginary. It is neither fair nor respectful and will only breed trouble and discontent. Avoid watching movies or reading books that might cause you to stumble in this area, as well. (Psalm 19:14; Proverbs 4:23)


Kiss Him Goodbye
I once read about a study done in Germany which found that men whose wives kissed them goodbye every morning were more successful than those who weren’t kissed. Success and respect often go hand-in-hand, so be sure to send him off right, and don’t forget to greet him with a kiss when he returns home, for good measure. (2 Corinthians 13:12)


Prepare His Favorite Foods
Although the rest of the family is not overly-fond of spaghetti, my husband loves it, so I try to make it at least two or three times a month as a way to honor him. Next time you’re planning meals, give special consideration to your husband’s preferences. (Proverbs 31:14-15)


Cherish Togetherness
I love to sit near my husband, whether at home or away. Our church shares potluck dinners every Sunday afternoon, and although the men and women normally sit separately to visit, I like to position myself close enough to my husband that I can listen to the conversation, as I think everything he says is so interesting. At home, I’ll take my book or handwork to whatever room in the house he’s working in, just to be close to him, because I enjoy his company, even when neither of us is talking.


Don’t Complain
Nobody wants to be around a whiner or complainer. It is grating on the nerves. Remember the serenity prayer: accept the things you can’t change, courageously change the things you can, seek wisdom to know the difference. (Philippians 2:14)


Resist the Urge to Correct
I know one wife whose spouse can’t tell a story without her stopping him fifteen times to correct inconsequential details: “It wasn’t Monday evening, it was Monday afternoon…. It wasn’t blue, it was turquoise…. He didn’t ride the bus, he took a shuttle.” Please. Please. Please. Don’t ever do that to your husband — or to anyone else, for that matter! (Proverbs 17:28)


Dress to Please Him
Take care of your appearance. Choose clothes your husband finds flattering, both in public and around the house.


Keep the House Tidy
To the best of your abilities, try to maintain a clean and orderly home. Seek to make it a haven of rest for your entire family. (Proverbs 31:27)


Be Content
Do not pressure your husband to keep up with the Joneses. Take satisfaction in the lifestyle he is able to provide for you. (1 Timothy 6:6-10; Hebrews 13:5)


Take His Advice
Do not dismiss his opinions lightly, especially when you’ve asked for his counsel in the first place. Make every effort to follow your husband’s advice.


Admire Him
Voiced compliments and heartfelt praise are always welcome, but you should also make it your habit to just look at your husband in a respectful, appreciative way. Think kind thoughts toward him. He’ll be able to see the admiration in your eyes. (Luke 6:45)


Protect His Name
Honor your husband in the way you speak of him to family and friends. Guard his reputation and do not let minor disagreements at home cause you to speak ill of him in public. Live in such a way that it will be obvious to others why your husband married you in the first place. (Proverbs 12:4; 22:1)


Forgive His Shortcomings
In the words of Ruth Bell Graham, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Please do not hold grudges against your husband. Do not allow a root of bitterness or resentment find a home in your heart. Forgive your husband freely, as Christ has forgiven you. (Mark 11:25; Matthew 18:21-35)


Don’t Argue
You are not always right, and you do not always have to have the last word. Be the first to say, “I’m sorry.” Be willing to accept the blame. It takes two to argue, so “abandon a quarrel before it breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14; 21:19; 25:24)


Follow His Lead
If you want your husband to lead, you must be willing to follow. Neither a body nor a family can function well with two heads. Learn to defer to your husband’s wishes and let final decisions rest with him. (Ephesians 5:22-24)



Proverbs 18:22 tells us, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Do these 25 things consistently, and your husband will never have trouble believing that fact.

4 month update

The things people tell you over and over again at the grocery store about your baby really are true. The time really does fly. They really do grow up too fast. And each one really does seem to grow faster!

So, note to self, stop to listen to those wise folks who have been in my shoes and are just trying to remind me to cherish this time.

Wills is 4 months old. He is 75th percentile for height and weight.
(Fast fact: Trip was the exact same height and weight at his 4-month check up. Anna Kate was smaller, but approximately the same percentile for a baby girl at 4-months.)

Wills still seems like such a tiny baby to me in so many ways, but he also seems to be working hard at catching up with his big brother and sister.

Developmentally - Wills is very strong. He has great neck strength and body control. He rolls easily from front to back, but has yet to go all the way from back to front - he just hangs out on his side typically chewing his hands. He has been using the bouncer for quite some time and that always seems like a big milestone. He seems most advanced socially compared to my big kids at the same age. He smiles, laughs, and "talks" all of the time. And he doesn't know a stranger. I can tell already that he will be the life of the party. I have visions (maybe nightmares!) of his teenage friends calling him "Wild Wills"!!

Loves - Wills loves baths. He loves his brother and sister. Just seeing their faces makes him smile and laugh. He loves the typical baby things ... lights, fans, chewing on his hands. When I looked back on the 4-month updates for Trip and Anna Kate, I mentioned that they both loved to chew on their fingers despite my best efforts to force the pacifier. It's good to be reminded of that because in the end they both chose the paci over their hands. Only time will tell what Wills will pick.

Hates - Not much in this category. He has a love/hate relationship with the pacifier. He screams at me when I give it to him, but once he is sucking on it he will fall asleep much more quickly.

Sleeping - So, compared to Trip and Anna Kate, Wills is my worst sleeper. However, by this age, I had already had Trip and Anna Kate cry it out and that helped teach them how to self-soothe and helped them to sleep through the night very early on. We follow the Babywise books, and have had a lot of success with the Parent Directed Feeding (PDF) method. We have yet to try "crying it out" with Wills because his crying tends to wake the other kiddos up at night. It's a losing battle. Do I want a baby that sleeps through the night, or a toddler and preschooler to get a good night of sleep? The good news is that he has not needed to nurse at night for at least a month now. So, when he wakes up, I just rock him briefly or re-swaddle him, and he falls back asleep within a minute or so.

Memories - I think my favorite memories revolve around the "every day" of life. Doing things with three kids is definitely a challenge, but there is so much joy in it. I'm sure that is easier for me to say because Wills is so laid back and joyful. Anywhere we go, people comment on what a happy boy he is. And his smile really can brighten any one's day. I am learning to slow down and enjoy the baby that he is. Even when we are rushing through the grocery store making quite the scene, people will stop me to talk to the kids and see the baby. I try and be mindful that children really are a blessing, and taking the time to let them bless someone else ends up blessing us all int he end.

Wills, you are precious to us. You brighten our lives and bring joy that I know comes from the Lord. You are loved by your Dad, your Mom, your Big Bubba, and your Sissy.